Modesty Part 3 (an Apology)

Apologies and corrections....

I have written previously about Pure Fashion, without actually knowing the real story behind it. I think I was quite critical of some of the outfits shown, but when I read the real reason behind Pure Fashion, I need to apologise and write it here.

I have taken this excerpt from Dr James Dobson's book "Bringing up Girls" (2010) - from the article "Standing Up to 'Girls gone Wild' Culture " by Michelle Malkin, as quoted by him:

First, let me tell you about my new hero. Her name is Ella Gunderson, and she's a student at Holy Family Parish School in Kirkland, Washington. As reported in the Seattle Times a few months ago, Ella recently wrote a remarkable letter to the Nordstom's department store chain.
"Dear Nordstrom," she began. "I'm an 11-year-old girl who has tried shopping at your store for clothes, in particular jeans, but all of them ride way under my hips, and the next size up is too big and falls down. They're also way too tight, and as I get older, show everything every time I move. I see all of these girls who walk around with pants that show their belly button and underwear. Even at my age I know that that is not modest. With a pair of clothes from your store, I'd walk around showing half of my body and not fully dressed... Your clerk suggested there is only one look. If that is true then girls are supposed to walk around half naked. I think maybe you should change that."

All it took was one little girl to speak her mind about the excesses of our "Girls Gone Wild" culture. And guess what? The market, in a small way responded. Nordstrom executives wrote back and pledged to young Ella Gunderson that they would broaden the clothes for girls. "Your letter really got my attention," wrote Kris Allan, manager of the local Nordstrom's where Ella shopped. "I think you are absolutely right. This look is not particularly a modest one and there should be choices for everyone."...

Here's the best part. She and her friends didn't wait around for Nordstrom's (sic) to change its inventory. With help from the mom and 37 of her classmates, Ella organised a fashion show to model decent clothes for girls aged 10 to 16. The sold-out show, called "Pure Fashion", drew a crowd of 250; two other clothing stores donated modest clothes; the girls got a standing ovation; and the event raised money for the Catholic Challenge Club network, which encourages young girls to stand up for their faith and their values in an increasingly secular and hostile world.

Well done!! I may have been too critical and judgmental and salute the effort of this courageous 11 (probably 13 year-old) to stand up for her faith and challenge the status quo of the fashion industry that prescribes what girls should wear.

Modesty Part 2

In the last few days I have come across a really good blog that shows some sewing skills and draping skills. The lady who blogs uses vintage design (mostly from the 50's) for all the outfits she sews.

Her post on a recent project seems to have sparked a lot of interest in a discussion / commenting of modesty in general. So, her post on modesty is seen from a feminist point of view and does not take into account that the survey she slates are not commands, but statements that men / boys reacted to. I think the most revealing results are the open questions that the boys / men answered which show the actual heart of Christian men and their struggles.

The one criticism that came through strongly on the sewing blog comment section,  was that women were not asked the same questions as well as questions about men's attire. I think that is a valid point, but when we think about it, women will dress modestly if men don't accept immodesty as a standard and vice versa.

What I read recently in Dr James Dobson's book "Bringing up Girls" is that girls think they are in control when they get the attention of the boys and then sleep with them, because they feel loved. However, the cycle continues if this happens more than once and the more it happens, the less loved the girl feels. The reason for this is, the boys get what they want without commitment and girls get nothing except pain. Dr Dobson makes the point that this is the worst form of male power, even though girls think that they actually are empowered.

Gertie confuses modesty with morality and religious superiority. This is something even Christians do. We can come across as being more spiritual, more moral or even show our superiority by the way we act, but in essence that is not the main point. Gertie argues that modesty is linked to religion and culture and she is correct, but at the end of the day, the question remains: Are we more moral when we can dress the way we want and even go without or entice men's minds to lust after us? Is modesty only one-sided and placed as an oppression on women? I have addressed this issue before.

I think Gertie misses the point of modesty in general - it's not only women who need to dress modestly to protect the visual minds of men, but also men need to dress modestly to curb the imaginations of their female friends. It goes both ways and mutual respect is at the heart of it - "love your neighbour as yourself" and "treat every older woman as if she were your mother and every younger woman as if she were your sister". No wonder that Gertie finds the underlying ideas disturbing, partly I think because they are religious in nature and partly because only men took part in the survey. I think her last point:

[...] that doesn't give any of us the right to demean other women for choosing to show more skin. And, above all, we deserve respectful treatment from men no matter how we're dressed.

 is on judgmental attitudes in all of us. As Christians we need to be really careful of that no matter whether it is on dress styles or on beliefs or on lifestyles.

Modesty

After the book review, I felt I needed to do a post on modesty, since there seems to be a confusion (even amongst Christians) what that entails. I could say that it is "anything that does not offend someone else", but what does that look like? Mostly it is culture related. For example, in most African cultures it is unacceptable for a woman to (a) wear pants and (b) expose her knees when wearing a skirt.

So, what does modesty really look like in a society where states of undress are acceptable and leave nothing for the imagination?

My thinking centres on the following passage: (Romans 14:13-23)

¹³Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. ¹⁴As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. ¹⁵If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. ¹⁶Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. ¹⁷For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, ¹⁸because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.
 ¹⁹Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. ²⁰Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. ²¹It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.
 ²²So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. ²³But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

 Now, for those of you who are confused why I chose this passage - here is my thinking...
Firstly, let me say that I do not equate eating and drinking with wearing clothes as a disputable matter (Romans14:1), but the principle of not being a stumbling block to fellow brothers (and sister) still applies.
Secondly, in the 21st century, what we see as acceptable in one country might not be acceptable in another and this continues to be an issue, especially for missionaries who want to make a stand for Christ.

Down to the nitty-gritty:
According to the Mormons (The Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints) Modesty is:

Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves. Instead, we seek to "honor God with your [our] body." (1 Corinthians 6:20b)

Two very helpful sites explain the concept - the first discusses guidelines for men and women and the second is partly a discussion of a book and partly really helpful biblical passages.

Now for the visual people.... Pictures taken from the Pure Fashion website

 Picture 1 - Critique: I like the lady's outfit, but two things bother me: 1) the buttons down the front, which, when walking can pop off and 2) the skirt is a bit tight and does not lend itself to walking very well.

Picture2: I like both outfits very much, but for an African context the skirt may be too short. This may be quite conservative in the United States, but still quite daring in other parts of the world.

Picture 3: this is more like it.

Picture 4: I really like this one too. The layered look works very well and the drooped hem of the skirt is a nice change.

Picture 5: also very nice - pants are 3/4 and perhaps not everyone's cup of tea - acceptable in Western countries, but again, not all over the world.

I have not come across anything for the African market (local stores), but the rest of the world thinks that we are quite conservative anyway. Still, the changes are quite obvious to me when I reflect on the 80's and compare them to today's fashions. Apart from dropped waistlines on skirts and pants, the tops and skirts get shorter and shorter and most clothing got tighter.

If we continue to apply the principle of not being a stumbling block to others, we are going to do fine as long as we can critically examine our outfits ourselves, or ask others to help us with it if we don't feel we can exercise our own judgment.

Branding

Developing a following in the fashion industry depends on the image that the brand portrays. This means that the brand name will evoke a certain image in the person's mind and thus, if they can and want to identify with it, they will usually support the brand. If they have been part of the brand since the beginning and then the brand re-invents itself, they still have the choice to continue following, or to switch. Usually switching comes at a cost tot he consumer, because they will now need to find another brand that will stand for what they themselves believe and stand for.

Is this not the same as worshiping? Even the experts agree in an article I read from the Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services, (Fashion retailing and the bottom line by Robin Pentecost and Lynda Andrews) - yes, read that first surname again ;) The following was mentioned from research conducted by Redden and Steiner(2000) - reference to follow below:

Redden and Steiner (2000) [... suggest] that fanatical behaviour retains aspects of normal behaviour, based on the degree of enthusiasm, excietment, passion and commitment and /or extremes to which an individual is prepared to go to consume an identified product or service. Researching branding, they suggest behaviours such as loyalty or worshiping potentially denote a fanatical consumer. thus, higher degrees of fanship can relate to higher degrees of consumption. We argue that fans portray distinctive behaivour that means they are not necessarily fashion leaders but very enthusiastic fashion followers.

(Redden and Steiner published in Journal of Consumer Marketing Volume 17 issue 4 pages 322-337: Fanatical Consumers: towards a framework for research.)

So, what does that mean for the general Christian? Can we still be fashionable or do we need to walk around like our grannies? What do we make of the consumerism and branding of shops we like and go to? Where do we draw the line? If their advertising starts offending us, or if we cannot wear anything in the store? I think we really need to think about this more, especially when we look at advertisements.

I think this post will link up nicely with another one I have planned for future, discussing modesty.